Confessions of an Adoptive Mom: Part 1

So my friend Taylor has a series on her blog titled “Confessions of a Pumping Mom” which I absolutely love.  Clearly, this is not something I can “confess” about- however she inspired me to start my own version.

These are my confession’s:

#1: I have to bite my tongue when people tell me how much E looks like her birth mother.  Here’s the reality- she does.  I know this.  It doesn’t mean I like being reminded of it.  I look at E and I see my baby girl, keyword there is “my”.  When people tell me that it’s like being woken up on the first day of summer at 7am to go get shots.  It’s unpleasant.  (Now I hear this from my teen mom’s who knew Sam*, so I don’t say anything, because they’re young and I know it’s pure and innocent, but it still irritates me just the same.)

#2: I hate it when people ask me if I’ve talked to E’s “mom” lately.  Um yes, thank you I talk to myself every day, sometimes in my car, sometimes in my shower, and sometimes in my head.  If you want to know if I’ve spoken to Sam* recently ask me so, but I am her mom so when you ask me if I’ve spoken to her mom, I can assure you without a shadow of doubt that the answer is yes.

#3: Please don’t tell me it’s okay that my daughter is formula fed BECAUSE she’s adopted.  Obviously our options were limited in terms of feeding E.  A&I looked into inducing lactation, but after reading less than stellar reviews about it, decided it wasn’t for us.  I also couldn’t find a lot of information on finding donated breast milk, so our natural reaction was to formula feed our daughter.  It drives me banana’s when the following conversation happens:

Someone, “Is she formula fed or breast-fed.”

Me, “Formula fed.”

Someone, “Oh..” (side eye)

Me, “She’s adopted”

Someone, “Oh, well then that’s okay”.

Don’t tell me that formula feeding is okay because my daughter is adopted, when to you it’s (evil, horrible, whatever descriptive word you want to add) and poison to your baby.  Just because she’s adopted doesn’t change the descriptive word you have for formula.  It’s okay for you to feel that way, obviously I just don’t.

 

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4 Responses to Confessions of an Adoptive Mom: Part 1

  1. Julie says:

    Perhaps it is because my children are non-white and we don’t look alike. Or, because they were all special needs who came to my home after spending time with and forming a relationship with their mother, but I have never felt like this. I tell my kids that their mother is the lady whose body nurtured their for 9 months. The mom who wanted to, but couldn’t take care of them. My children have photos of their mom hanging in their bedroom. I am their parent and I am content in that role.

    We are both mom. My kids have so much love to give… I can afford to share.

    • Hi Julie!

      Thanks for stopping by! Additionally, thanks for adding your “commentary”, I appreciate your thoughts!
      To clarify, my daughter “knows” (or we tell her at the ripe old age of 4 months) that she’s adopted. She also knows that Sam* loves her very, very much.
      I think for me, it’s not so much that she looks like Sam* or that people say so, it’s that I look at her and I see my husband and myself, and honestly when I look at her, I don’t see a baby that’s been adopted. I see simply our daughter. So when someone says, “oh she looks so much like Sam*” it’s kind of that snap back of, oh, right, ya, she does look like someone other then me or my husband.
      I’m not saying this is right or wrong, it’s simply where I’m at right now.

      I hope you stick around and continue to add your comments!

      God Bless-
      J

  2. Oh la la, I love the new series! All three confessions had my jaw dropped, and #2 had me laughing. Some people!

  3. perpetualrenovator says:

    Your post caught my eye. We are adopting a 3 year old boy and a 4 year old girl from China. We get weary of the comments too…lol…most of them are made in innoncence, but it is irritating, nonetheless, when no thought has gone into the formulation of words that come blurting out of some people’s mouths. Oh, and by the way, we have one biological daughter, I formula fed her and felt fine about it and dared anyone to question my reasons. Do whatever is best for you!

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