Sam* first wanted to apologize to me for the way she had acted when I first came to see her at Z’s request. She felt horrible that I saw her that way. I assured her that it was not a big deal at all, especially considering all she had been through the last 24 hours.

I then again asked her what was up, and she explained what had happened that evening between her, her mom, and her step dad. Sam* was a very young girl who is wise beyond her years. Unfortunately that evening she was asked to do things well outside of her maturity level for the sake of appearances, and while she normally does what she’s told, that night she was just so exhausted and emotional (hello hormone’s) that she just couldn’t do it that night. This upset her mother and step father and caused an escalated argument.

Sam and I had a very deep, long discussion about many things, but she assured me that none of what she was feeling was stemming from her decision to make an adoption plan. In fact she stated that it was the one thing she felt good about in all the things occurring in her world. After I got Sam laughing and relaxed, I stepped away once she was ready for bed.

As I walked down the hall I was brought to tears. I was an emotional wreck over the decisions that poor girl was having to make and live through. I also started to have doubts. What if Sam* was solid with her adoption plan, but her parents were not? Parental consent is not required in our state, but parental pressure can be a game changer. What if our precious, sweet, baby girl was going to have to live a life with the decisions Sam* was having to make. I couldn’t imagine our innocent baby girl going through that. When I got back to our room, I started crying again. A, of course, thought the worse, after
assuring him that Sam* had done nothing but assure me of her adoption plan, A tried to convince me of the same, but something inside me just didn’t feel right.

By this time it was well after midnight. I tried to sleep, but was just an emotional mess. I spent the whole night watching bad Lifetime Movies, Will and Grace, and rocking my sweet baby girl. When 5:36am approached, I thought to myself “we’re half way there”, and then I realized we had to go through another 36 hours of sleep deprivation and crazy emotions. Thinking of reliving the past 36 hours again brought me to tears, and all I could was pray.

This entry was posted in Adoption, Baby E, Fear, Hospitals. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s