A few weeks ago, I received my first “hate” comment. I haven’t approved it (so don’t bother looking for it) but it’s taken me this long to actually feel like I can address it.
I’ll be honest, when I first read it- it upset me greatly. So much so that I immediately turned to my good friend Taylor. Taylor being the amazing person she is, asked me who she should go slap.
Here’s the thing, what upset me wasn’t that this woman didn’t like me- I’m fairly confident I meet people daily who don’t like me, and I’m good with that. It’s that she said she was “glad I wasn’t her daughters adoptive parent”. That really stung. The world of a prospective adoptive parent is all about people wanting you to be their child’s parent, so ultimately this struck the ultimate nerve.
To be an adoptive parent- you have to be picked. In 99% of adoptions now a day’s the birth parents review profile books (think mini yearbooks about the prospective families lives) and decide which family is best suited to raise their child. In adoption, people’s opinion of you is a huge, huge piece of the puzzle. Don’t get me wrong- that’s not to say that I expect everyone to like me- or would want every birth parent to want to pick A & I.
While the process of putting together a profile book and “networking” to find a birth family can often feel like a marketing gimic and sales pitch, the thing is, it still has to be the right match. A&I could not match with birth parents who wanted to see the child every month. It’s not the type of relationship we were/are looking for. Ultimately this is what I had to understand about this woman, Daisy’s, comment.
So in response to Daisy, I would say, you are absolutely welcome to feel that way, because if you do, I likely wouldn’t be a good match as the adoptive mother to your child- and that’s okay. That’s what makes adoption such a wonderful and miraculous thing- it’s not just about finding a couple who’s willing to adopt your child, it’s about finding a couple who matches what you see for your child.
I would also like to add- that I have no idea how my blog is a reflection of the type of parent I am- but if you honestly feel that this blog is so ugly that you couldn’t imagine your child being a part of my family, that’s okay. Again, if you feel that way, odds are we wouldn’t work out as a match anyway because it’s not the type of relationship that A&I are looking for.