Last night A, E, and I attended the beautiful wedding of our dear friends (and now family) Carolyn & Jeremy. It was the first wedding E attended (and rightfully so, Carolyn and Jeremy are her God Parents), and it was also the first wedding A & I had attended since E’s birth (though we now have 1 a month for the next several months).
This wedding was so special to me for so many reason’s. First off – I was a bridesmaid and saw two of my favorite people pledge to love each other forever (which let’s face it is a pretty amazing thing) and the fact that Carolyn was THE coolest bride ever (she let me wear silver sparkly TOM’s). However it also took me back to a very special evening, the evening when the realizations of motherhood hit me like a Mac Truck.
On Sunday, March 27th, 2011 (2 days before E was born), A & I attended the wedding of our friends Ben and Julie. It was at Ben and Julie’s wedding that I began to evolve from “Jenn the Wife and 20 Something Professional” to “Jenn- The Mom”.
It started when Julie’s dad walked her down the aisle. I bawled. This astonished me because I don’t cry at weddings. I didn’t even cry at my OWN wedding. But the thought that popped into my head the moment I saw Julie and her dad walking down the aisle was, “Wow, in what will feel like the blink of an eye, that will be A & our daughter”. It happened again at the reception, when Julie and her dad had their Father/Daughter dance. I bawled. All I could think about was A would one day be dancing with our daughter at her wedding, and I’d be sitting back, watching them enjoy that special moment.
Now, after Ben and Julie’s wedding, I chalked that up to the emotional rush and roller coaster I was going through in anticipation of E’s arrival. Apparently, I was wrong. Because 9 months later, I found myself in the same situation.
After dinner the DJ called Carolyn and her dad to the dance floor, and they began to dance. Out of the corner of my eye at the far side of the room, I saw my husband swaying side to side with our daughter (who had fallen asleep), and the tears began to well in my eyes. I glanced back at Carolyn and caught a sweet moment between her and her dad, with her head rested on his shoulder while he sang the words of the song to her. I glanced back to A, and back to Carolyn again and I lost it.
I know that it will be some time (hopefully 25ish years) before A & E are on the dance floor dancing to their own Father/Daughter dance – but if the last 9 months are a gauge as to how quickly time will pass, I know that those 25ish years, will feel like 25 seconds. I realized at that moment, that one day A& I will be watching our beautiful baby girl dance with her husband saying, “Wasn’t it just yesterday that we brought her home. Wasn’t it just yesterday that she was so tiny and helpless that she couldn’t do anything for herself? Wasn’t it just yesterday you were rocking her in your arms thinking your Father/Daughter dance was so far away? “
Time is fleeting. It passes before us as quickly or as slowly as we allow it, never pausing. I know that in several years I’ll reflect back on this post feeling like it was just yesterday that I wrote this entry sitting in my bed, in my (hopefully) old house, on my (likely huge) laptop, watching E sleep in her crib on the monitor next to me while A folded laundry, resting easy that we had plenty of time before we had to plan a wedding. Except we won’t have plenty of time, because her wedding will be right around the corner, and instead of folding laundry, A will be practicing his Father/Daughter dance with E, because they’ll be performing it in just a few days. I know I’ll be thinking that the last 25 years passed in the blink of an eye. But if I’m lucky, it will be a blink full of love, hope, and laughter.