Exactly a month from today my little girl will turn five (I only get to say this every 4 years- the exactly a month from today she has a birthday part, not the turning five part- thank you Leap Year!)
I thought by now that even though each birthday represented another year she had grown older, that they would become more common, less emotional to me. But this birthday is hitting me hard.
The older I get, the less significant birthdays have become. I mean, turning 32 was not a big deal to me and I really didn’t feel the need to celebrate it. It seems like after 21, birthdays ending in zeros and fives become the ones worth celebrating, everything else is just kind of, well, another year ’round the sun.
And this year is my sweet little girl’s first “five”.
This five brings so many milestones. She’ll be starting at a new elementary school in the fall for Kindergarten that I painstakingly agonized over (and still am quite frankly). She’s become so much more independent and set in her routine (much like her mama). She’s making her own friends and her own decisions about her “future” (extra circulars my friends, we’re not talking college…yet). She’s losing the very last few drops of her toddleresque essence and turning into a full fledged young lady. And that’s hard.
I sat in bed last night thinking about the day I met her. The day they handed me this swaddled, 6 lb 19 oz bundle of squishy newness with big, beautiful blue eyes, recalling the exact moment when my heart no longer beat inside my chest, but rather as this new being. The moment that my heart and my brain in a rare moment of synchronization, looked at her and said, “Finally, we’ve found you!”
And while I know that as we embark on the journey of bringing home our next child, I’ll experience this moment yet again, but it will never be quite like the moment I had with her. Her birthday isn’t just the day we celebrate her birth and her life, but also the very first day of my life that I was someone’s mama. And even as we approach our 5th anniversary of that day, the gravity of those moments in which our hearts met is not lost on me.
So, as we begin to prepare to celebrate E’s first “Five”, expect a lot of joy, happiness, several celebrations (literally), lots of sentiment, high emotions, and lots of freak-outs.
And for your own well being, don’t even ask me about her next “zero”.